Have you ever felt completely obsessed with someone? Like, really obsessed? You can’t stop thinking about them, and they seem to consume your every thought, to the point that it leads you to become emotionally dependent on the person. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something called limerence, and this is where you learn what is limerence is all about.
The Pioneer Of Limerence
Before we delve deeper into the topic, let’s get to know the Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist who is credited with first identifying and naming the concept of limerence. Her groundbreaking research delved into the intense, obsessive nature of romantic infatuation, shedding light on a previously misunderstood emotional state.
What Is Limerence?
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It is more than just a crush. It’s an intense, obsessive longing for another person. It’s like being caught in a whirlwind of emotions, where your thoughts are constantly occupied by the object of your desire. While it can feel exhilarating, it can also be overwhelming and even painful.
Why Does Limerence Happen?
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Experts aren’t entirely sure what causes it, but it’s believed to be a complex interplay of emotions, hormones, and neurotransmitters. Some people might be more prone to it due to personality traits or past experiences.
While the exact causes of limerence are still being studied, several factors might contribute to this intense emotional state:
1. Neurochemical Factors
The brain plays a pivotal role in limerence. When we develop feelings for someone, our brain releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, often referred to as “love hormones.” These chemicals create a euphoric feeling, reinforcing the attraction and making it difficult to break free from obsessive thoughts.
2. Personality Traits
Certain personality traits can increase susceptibility to limerence. People who are easily upset or emotional might be more prone to intense feelings like limerence. Also, those who tend to see others as perfect might be more likely to fall deeply for someone.
3. Unmet Emotional Needs
Limerence can sometimes emerge as a way to fill an emotional void. People seeking intense connection or validation might be more susceptible. It’s essential to address underlying emotional needs to prevent limerence from becoming overwhelming.
4. Idealisation
Limerence often involves creating an idealised image of the love interest. Their flaws are overlooked, and their qualities are exaggerated. Most of use are guilty of this. We create a version of them in our heads, and fall in love with that character instead of the real person. This fantasy world can be intoxicating in the long run.
5. Life Circumstances
Significant life changes, such as a breakup or a major career transition, can leave individuals vulnerable to limerence. When you’re lonely, you seek external force to fill that void. This sense of emptiness can create an emotional vacuum that limerence might temporarily fill.
Limerence vs. Love
Love and limerence often get confused, but they’re not the same thing. So, what’s the difference?
Love is a deep, enduring bond based on trust, respect, and shared experiences. Limerence, on the other hand, is often one-sided and focused on the object of desire, rather than the person themselves.
Coping With Limerence
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If you’re experiencing limerence, know that it’s okay to feel it, but also bear in mind that it is temporary. However, here are some tips to help you cope during the process:
1. Talk It Out
Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member can provide support and perspective. Most people resort to keeping everything to themselves, thinking they can handle it. In truth, it eats them from the inside. Pour it out to someone, you don’t have to carry everything by yourselves.
2. Focus On yourself
Cliche, but this is one of the many effective ways to avoid focusing on the feelings. Go out, and do things that can distract yourself from spiralling into the obsession. Not only it helps in distracting, but if you decide to spend time, working on your hobbies, you might improve personal growth too.
3. Draw The Line
Limit your exposure to the object of your limerence. This means limiting contact, both in person and online. Avoid places where you’re likely to encounter them. Unfollow them on social media, and if possible, consider temporarily blocking them.
This might seem harsh, but it’s a necessary step to regain control of your thoughts and emotions. Remember, creating distance isn’t about avoidance; it’s about giving yourself time and space to heal.
4. Seek Professional Help
If you find that limerence is significantly interfering with your daily life, relationships, or overall well-being, seeking professional help is a positive step. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
They can help you understand the root causes of your limerence, challenge unhealthy thought patterns, and develop strategies to manage your emotions. A therapist can also offer guidance on building healthier relationships and improving your overall emotional well-being.
Now that you’ve understood what is limerence, remember that you are not alone. Many people experience limerence at some point in their lives. With time and self-care, you can overcome it and move forward.
Even if you’re not ready to move forward, our advice is: just feel it. Feel it to the fullest. If it hurts, let it hurt you so bad to the point where you’ve had enough of it. As the saying goes, time heals. You’ll eventually heal. But it’s a matter of whether to heal now, or later. You decide.
