It has been proposed that trauma bonding comprises seven stages, with each stage sustaining the cycle of stress and pain found in abusive relationships. While walking away from this vicious cycle might become increasingly difficult for the victim, it is still possible to break a trauma bond, especially after you are familiar with its stages and how they affect you and your relationship.
A Psychological Response To Abuse
When an abuser employs abusive cycles to make the victim depend on them, a deep connection or bond is formed. This is most common in romantic narcissistic relationships, but it can also happen in families, friendships, or professional connections.
1. Love Bombing
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As the name suggests, love bombing is the sudden urge to ‘tie’ the bond by any action that expresses love. Due to trauma, victims of love-bombing will fall into the trap in no time. To put it in simpler words, the abuser’s excessive flattery will capture their victims’ hearts. In certain abusive situations, the abuser may appear unaware of their manipulation. However, this is not usually the case with a trauma connection.
2. Trust & Dependency
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An abuser may purposely test the victim’s trust and dependency on them at this stage, leaving the target feeling terrible for questioning their partner’s intentions. Doubts are normal in a healthy relationship, and getting to know someone takes time, not just for what they say, but also for what they do.
When facing the abuser at this stage, one may face a lot of backlash for dismissing everything they have sacrificed, which is why the love bombing stage is so important. The concept that you can trust an abusive partner in a trauma connection is called delusion.
3. Criticism
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Once they have your trust, emotional abusers may begin to pick apart some of your characteristics, labeling them as insignificant. This criticism may appear abrupt, especially after the love bombing period. But it is usual for abusers to wait until a victim’s trust is at a satisfactory level before beginning to criticize them.
The criticism phase is most visible during conflicts when the abuser will most likely blame their spouse. The target will likely over-apologize for things that are not their fault.
4. Manipulation & Gaslighting
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Gaslighting and manipulation are two types of psychological abuse. They are common in trauma bonding and cause victims to question their reality and perception. Gaslighters will never fully or honestly accept responsibility for their actions and will instead blame others. Gaslighters frequently appear calm, cool, and collected after they have driven their prey to their breaking point.
5. Resignation & Giving Up
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In this stage, it is very usual for victims of abuse to give in, in order to avoid more conflict. Fawning, often known as the “fawn” trauma response, consists of bargaining and people-pleasing behaviors that may assure the relationship’s stability. Targets may be aware that they are being manipulated, but that awareness may not be sufficient to end the relationship just yet. This is because the victim may keep on justifying the abuser’s actions.
6. Loss Of Self
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There is a progressive loss of self throughout the stages of a trauma bond, which causes immense agony and separation from the world we previously knew. People who leave abusive relationships may not appear to be themselves. This is a result of a lack of identification and personal limits. Trauma ties can be quite isolating, since you may lose friends due to the change in self-identity.
This amount of psychological devastation might result in complete confidence loss and even suicidal ideation. For many, this mental torment, shame, and guilt has built up over time, making it difficult to confront and overcome.
7. Addiction To The Cycle
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The stages of trauma bonding are frequently cyclical. For example, after a severe conflict, there may be a cool down or honeymoon period. At this point of peace, the abuser may apologize and restart the love-bombing process, making the target feel comforted and therefore positively reinforcing a dependency on this abusive cycle.
In abusive relationships, the seven stages of trauma bonding demonstrate a recurring cycle of highs and lows, which often leads to the victim feeling alone, lacking identity, and staying in the relationship for too long. Breaking a trauma bond, on the other hand, is possible, and help is readily available. It is critical to consult with a mental health expert who is skilled in psychological abuse rehabilitation. This is in addition to constructing a social support system and developing a safety plan.
Here is a list of mental therapy centres if you want to seek professional help. All the best!
